i am sure that almost all of us do hope he would be some kind and sort of human, if not animal. But somehow they dun seems to even contain a drop of blood, in other words- heartless.



READ THIS ladies, it would be of much help perhaps:



Ever wonder why your guy can't seem to understand you?

Is he avoiding real intimacy?
Obsessed with his image?
Incapable of empathizing with you?

Well, when your man is a narcissist, it has nothing to do with you... It's All About Him.

Have you tried to return things to the way they were in the beginning of the relationship? Do you wonder what happened to the wonderful man you initially met?

What you need to understand is that if your man is a narcissist, he has perfected the art of charm and seduction and will use it to lure you in, win you over, and secure your love and attention.

Unfortunately, once you commit to a narcissist, he no longer maintains this pretend image. You wonder what happened to the man you fell in love with, and try to figure out what you did to make things go so awry.

It is important for you to know, YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Do not be upset with yourself for believing he was something he's not. Narcissists are brilliant actors/seducers and can win anyone over.

I want you to understand the three reasons a narcissist seeks out a relationship:

To ensure he always has someone present to:

~ Cater to his needs
~ Stroke his ego
~ Control and manipulate

In the beginning, narcissists are fun, exciting, appear overly caring and compassionate, and seem to adore the ground you walk on. Unfortunately, this is all an act.

Once you commit to a narcissist, the act ends. His true colors emerge. You no longer recognize the man you've committed your life to anymore. You realize the man you fell in love with is not the man you thought he was at all. It is a shock to your system and leaves you questioning everything you thought you ever knew.

But now what? Now that you are in a serious relationship with him or perhaps even married, what should you do?

Well, the first thing you need to do is talk to others who understand what you're going through. Our messageboard is full of strong, intelligent, compassionate women who have been or are in a relationship with a narcissist and trying to break free and make sense of it all.

My ex-husband joked from day one that he was a narcissist. I didn't think much of it. I knew he was confident and thought there was nothing more to it. It wasn't until eight years into our relationship and certain events occurred in my life that I finally looked into the true meaning of narcissism. What I learned changed my life. It helped me understand his behavior and realize I could do nothing to change it. In life, there are times when we must accept the fact that the only person we can change is ourselves.

My book is a quick-read to help you understand why a narcissist behaves the way he does. I believe once you understand a narcissist, you will be better equipped to look at your relationship and make an honest assessment of it.

We can't bury our head in the sand and deny reality forever. At some point, we must face the music. A narcissist is counting on the hope that we will never face the truth. They actually try to keep us brainwashed and questioning ourselves so that we will never question them. Why? Because narcissists are dependent on a significant other to provide the praise and admiration they crave. They are addicted to attention. Their life revolves around finding new ways to be noticed or recognized. Without outside validation, they feel dead inside because they have no inner sense of self. They disconnected from their true self years ago.

A narcissist initially relies on you to provide all of his ego-stroking and validation, also known as "Narcissistic Supply." Unfortunately, over time a narcissist will eventually grow bored and seek out a new source of "Narcissistic Supply." It is inevitable. He will withdraw from you and start to belittle and criticize everything you do. Nothing you do is good enough. You have gone from being put on a pedestal and idolized to the point of total discard and devaluation.

In his mind, you are merely there to stroke his ego if he doesn't get enough attention from the outside world that day. The rest of the time, he resents you for tying him down and has little respect for you because he knows he has brainwashed you into putting up with his emotional abuse.

I know what you're going through as do the many kind-hearted women on my messageboard. We want to help you understand why a narcissist does what he does. Most importantly, we want to help you realize you have done NOTHING wrong. It has nothing to do with you and it is in no way your fault that you're in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man you no longer recognize. Trust me, It's All About Him.

http://www.lisaescott.com/

I hate to say this, but in the month and a half that I broke it off with my ex, I realize that I was correct to...The things I learn about him every day make me less and less inclined to ever want to see him again.

After we spoke yesterday, he apparantly told a friend of his all about our discussion on keeping in touch, if ever the need arose. She came to me to make sure I understood what that meant...and gave me a few bits of information that is now permanatly burned into my head, and has placed a complete lock on my heart. He's hurt? HAH!! I think not. But he will feel the hurt when the support he has always taken for granted is no longer there.

Glad to finally have the truth, and be able to live in peace.

Uglygirl....as I type your nick....I have this feeling, you are not ugly at all.....
I just broke up with my bf...I dated a few person before him, no one is as close as what he is to me....he's like this Mr. Almost perfect that I want to be with for the rest of my life....
and now he is gone...worst thing is....we might easily bump into each other as we work in the same corporation....I know I know...never eat and Sh*t at the same place....but we fell in love.....
We broke up a few times....the first time we did....i sign up as a member in this forum....a few months later after that....we got back together...I know we broke up a few times this year...and you must be thinking that we'll be back again together....but this time is not the same...as he said he had tried his best....he do loves me...but the best didn't seem to be good enough for us...and he is thinking that he might not want to be married again....he's a divorcee...like me.....so he wouldn't want to drag me along anymore....

I agree with you that being the dumper is much easier....i remember once i even dump my ex...and then went shopping happily moving on immediately a day after that....but this ex of mind....he is a two timer....what can I say...sigh

I know I will be the only one. But, I totally disagree with the article. It is never as hard to break up with someone as it is to be the one dumped. I am 35 and I was always the one dumped, except for one time when I was much younger. It was hard to bring the subject up and I felt a bit bad at first, but shortly after I broke up with him, I felt like an enormous burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. It was a great feeling initially. I felt like I quit a job that I hated and I was free of it. Then it hit me, all the guys that have dumped me felt the same way about me. I was just this burden that they could not wait to get rid of.

I have posted my story in the other section. Next month will mark a year since the breakup and I haven't had any contact with him since Dec. 2009. No texts, emails, calls, or anything. And it still hurts. It feels like it was yesterday. Like I said in my previous posts, I uprooted my whole life for him last year. I quit my job and moved 6 hours from my hometown for him. I still have not been able to find a new full time job. I can blame the economy like the rest of the world. But, my overwhelming depression stops me from even leaving the house except for groceries. I can't barely be around people.

I'm sorry, but I can't feel sorry for my ex and realize how hard it was for him. His life got to stay the same. He got to stay at the same job, the same apartment, and he moved in another girl right after I left...like a revolving door. I am left with a mess of my life.

shirley , i think it was nice of ur ex to not use u like that.. most guys who doesnt even respect u would have taken advantage of u and see you as friend with benefits... i dont think u would want that.. u may say u dont mind.. but after awhile.. what do u really get out of it if all he see us as is friend with benefit?.. can u still smile and be happy for him if one day he introduces u to his new girl?... it is best to leave the past behind and move forward in life... my ex just broke up with me 1.5 months and i still think about him 24/7 !... the stress even causes me to break out like crazy ! =( i dont even want to look myself in the mirror... i deleted my ex off facebook yesterday... he says he still want to be friends.. i do too.. but at least not now.. so i deleted him... until my feelings for him are gone...then i believe we can truly be friends again.

Shirley - you need to move on girl! Why don't you post the whole story in the forum and we'll see if we can help you.

hey that was a really nice article. my ex broke up with me 2months ago. and i still think about him all the time. hes changed his number and changed his house locks. the pain is still really strong. all i wanna do is to just see him and sleep with him but he doesnt want that he said he doesnt wanna use me like that. what should i do?

hey that was a really nice article. my ex broke up with me 2months ago. and i still think about him all the time. hes changed his number and changed his house locks. the pain is still really strong. all i wanna do is to just see him and sleep with him but he doesnt want that he said he doesnt wanna use me like that. what should i do?