I just got out of a relationship of 2 yrs, it was a good clean break up, no regrets, but then my nightmares starts, I am not young and i want to get back in the dating scene, anytime i go out with a guy, we hit if off really well, but when we have sex thats it, no more contacts, i am really fusturated  because this cycle is never ending, i see a guy i play hard to get or easy to get and the end result after sex is no contact, and for the life of me i cant seem to know why???? do i look ugly in bed? i dont smell, so what is wrong with me, just recently i made a resolution not to date again, this guy comes up to me, had known him bu we didnt really do anything as he was seeing someone then, he told me he was single again and wanted a friend i was up for it, we hung out and everything was fine, then we had SEX!! he suddleny realised he still had feelings for his ex and he wants to get back with her. i need help what am i doing wrong?

This is a tough one. I feel like men are programmed nowadays to just have sex without feelings involved. It is so frustrating. But, honestly, if a guy says he wants a "friend" it probably doesn't mean that he is looking for a relationship. It's probably better to just get to know someone & trust them before you even bother getting into bed with them. Easier said than done, though, as we all have needs. But I think that talking about it to someone you're dating beforehand is probably going to serve you well in the long run. I mean, if he's the right guy, you should be able to open up to him, right?

Thanks, the funny thing is i always ask what they are looking for, if its a hang out buddy or a relationship, i hear what i want to hear,  i guess in my head i assume that they want what i want, and that is where my problem lies, you have really made it clear to me what i am doing wrong, i have been always bad at getting a partner, i always choose the wrong one and let the right one slip away, from today i am deleting his num in my phone its a fresh start for me.

Good for you! Delete it girl! Just some advice- LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!! When it comes to dating women we have intuition that we ignore ALL THE TIME. Women were blessed with it for a reason. Instead of listening to his words, listen to his body language, watch his eyes, you can spot insincerity from a mile away if you just follow your instincts, and when the good guy comes along- your instincts will pick up on that too! :-) Good luck- and good for you for trying to date. You're buff! (I wish I could.)

Thanks KAL114,  I did delete his num and i feel good about it, I wont be rushing into a relationship or dating anytime soon, taking up a new hubby, getting a better figure!!! gym here i come!! i have a 2yr plan now and i am not letting anything get in my way.

1. Get an honours degree, in my 3rd yr  now studying accounting

2. Get a killer image, its about time i treated men the way they have treated me, not interested!!!

I love this website it has helped me move on and its people like you who help people like me Thanks.

AWWW! Best post EVER! Stick to your plan, girl. And, I swear, when you get that degree, you better post to let us know!!

I will make sure i let you know when i get the degree.

I got a call from him yesterday and he asked if i wanted to come over, I was so tempted to say yes, cause as always i assumed that he is missing me and wanted me back, then i remembered what you said, 'ask what he wants', so i asked him and he said 'oh just to hang out', i told him i had a study group i have to attend in and hr and a half's time and he said well come over for an hr, then it dawned on me, he is not missing me, he just sees me as his sure alternative, its possible he feels horny and his girlfriend doesn't want to come over so who better to relieve himself with? ME! so i asked just to confirm, what about ur girlfriend, and he said I am a bit confused, dont know what i am feeling for her, not really in a relationship all the excuses under the sun, at that moment he sounded really unattractive and i asked myself what did you see in him? then he asked me again are you coming over ?, welll i told him not happening, i also told him to loose my num, i dont associate with jerks and scumbags, I also told him his girlfriend and I deserved better and hung up. It felt really good, now i wonder why i didnt do this to the other guys i dated. thanks once again for opening my eyeys!!!!

Ok. I correct myself - THIS IS THE BEST POST EVER!!  Don't you feel so powerful?!  You are amazing. I'm so glad you took the time to ask him what he wanted. And you're right, he probably was just horny and wanted to call whomever was available (you). I see good things happening for you in the future, lady! Keep us posted!!

MJ