So today begins no contact for me. He broke up with me in July 2011, and during this entire time we've still been going back and forth. Yesterday my mom, after I had a full fledged meltdown, told me she would not stand for me being friends or ever contacting him again. She was so angry, and I've never seen her like that. It made me realize things have to stop for real. So here's the short version: We work together. He broke up with me July 3, and ever since has been a living hell. I actually took a two month personal leave from my job because it was too emotionally stressful and I wanted to die. At first he gave hope and told me if I changed maybe we'd get back together. But as time went on, he'd always flake on hanging out, always still tell me I was never good enough, and ultimately I found out he was hanging with the one girl I always hated (because she was after him when we were dating and tried to steal him). He then told me he hooked up with her, he had no remorse, and that him and I should focus on friendship right now. I was heartbroken but thought maybe I could change his mind. Then she began to flaunt the fact that she was with him and put up tons of pictures online. I was humiliated and had a panic attack. That day I started my two month leave from work. During the time away, he still contacted me and ultimately they are now in a relationship. He told me he still loves me, all that crap, and that this is nothing like what we had but he doesn't think it's right timing for us to think about a romantic relationship again. I was hurt but still spoke to him. Then I finally came back to work, and thought I was moving forward, then he asked me to hang one night and stupid me, I did. He then went ahead and hooked up With me. Then he told me its not right timing to hang and we should focus on friendship. I told him yesterday to stay out of my life. He told me happily how he would get over me. I then told him she will never be like me and one day he'll regret his decisions. He gave me bs excuses and said how we still have a future and crap but we need to focus on friendship now. I'm just so tired of being hurt. I'm so tired of having to see him at work. I'm tired of this life

I'm so sorry to hear how much pain you're in right now. I've totally been there. My ex did the same thing to me (and I let him) for over a year. Technically we broke up over a year ago, but up until a few months ago, we would still hang out and hook up every now and then. He'd tell me he still loves me and sees me in his future, but just not right now. Now that I've finally gotten away from it all (and trust me, he still tries to contact me all the time looking for a booty call) I see how insecure and shallow he really is. He will keep stringing you along, mainly because he thinks he can, and also because his ego needs to know that you still want him - so incase it doesn't work out with new girl, or whenever he's feeling down and lonely, he'll have you there to fall back on. I'm not sure what your relationship was like prior to the breakup, but I know mine was absolute Hell. For some reason I thought it was ok that we fought just about every day and that he was constantly giving me reasons to be jealous.

Dating someone at work, school or within your group of friends is always risky. I'm in the work situation right now. Is it a job that you see yourself in long term? I know how hard it is to have to see your ex every day, and even harder when they meet someone else. Its going to be really really hard to stick to no-contact. But trust me. Its so worth it. I've tried the no contact thing so many times, only to break it a few weeks or months down the road. I finally start to feel better and then I stupidly text him or answer when he calls and I'm right back to step one. And it hurts even worse with each time. I know you still have to see him every day so if you absolutely have to talk to him about work-related stuff, keep it strictly work related and be professional. When he contacts you outside of work (which he will) ignore it. Give yourself set goals. Start with a week. Then if you make it a week make it 2. Eventually you'll get to the point where he won't be in your every thought and little by little it will get better.

Wow, it's like you're in my brain.

Day 2 now, and luckily I had a wake up call this morning and realized sort of what you just said. I had taken a two month leave, and the first week I was back at work, I was feeling positive and like I was maybe ready to finally move forward. He saw how happy I was, and so did everyone else at work. He reached out and started texting me non stop, and finally I agreed to hang with him one night. It was stupid of me of course, and the entire night all he tried to do was admit that I still had feelings for him. He even told me "I can't believe you would just hang with other guys, and thought you could get better than me". He initiated hooking up with me. The next day he told me how I was the best thing he ever lost and what an idiot he was. The next day he told me we should hang again. And then the next day? silence.

All in all, he just wanted reinforcement. He has such a crazy ego, and such low self esteem that he couldn't just see me happy, moving on with my life. He told me he wanted to just be friends, but of course...why the need to get me to admit that I still like you, and then tell me you still like me? it just was his way of feeling powerful, so I wouldn't move on.

There is a part of me that always wants to be forgiving to others, but I realized this morning that after time and space, I gave him a perfect opportunity to show if he had changed. I have changed for the better, despite the hell he has put me through. And his response? when I was doing well, and just started getting back to work again, he had to sabotage it, and then make me feel like I was to blame for still having feelings. I don't believe I was stupid for falling for it, because like I said, there was a time gap, and I wanted to believe the best in him. He obviously does not deserve any more chances, because he worked for days trying to get me to say I still like him, only to say "Oh by the way, I just want to be friends". It was sabotage.

F that.

So last night I did the extreme, went on my att wireless, and blocked his number. The best part of it is that NEITHER of us could contact each other now through phone/text. So those moments where i'm down or drunk and want to talk to him, now I can't. It was drastic but needed to be done.

I see him tomorrow at work, after not seeing him since last thursday. I really hope he stays in the back, and stays away from me, but I know he is spiteful and does things to get my attention, even though he doesn't want me. He put up a bunch of pictures last night online, as I did another drastic thing and put a web filter on my computer, so I can no longer access the sites with those pictures. It felt sort of good.

But yea, day 2. Just going to be crazy and write in here :p

Hey! Did you use the "block your ex" app on your computer? I think it's awesome. Yes, it's drastic, but anything to help you heal. How are you doing with the no contact? How was working with him?

MJ

Day 4 NC.

I actually unblocked the phone number, because it put my bill up by 5 bucks, but just having it blocked for a couple days actually helped me tremendously, and I know if it’s ever an issue again, I could block it easily again.

Earlier tonight I did notice he called, so I just left my phone off and in my car. If he left any texts or voicemails, I plan to instantly delete them. If this is an ongoing thing, I probably will have to pay the extra 5 bucks to block him again. I barely use my phone these past 4 days anyways, and it was always really bad before at night, so now I just have a different alarm clock and I have no need to have my phone on me.

All the websites are still blocked though and that was one of the biggest problems I faced before. They will stay blocked for a very long time.

It’s not like things are magically easier, but like I said before, I do realize that weeks ago before he started messing with my head again, I was at a better state mentally and I was starting to move on before he bothered me. Now i’m back to that place, where i’m moving on, not necessarily jumping to anybody else, but rather just being friendly again to people and enjoying being around all different types of personalities.

At work it is still plenty awkward, and I do everything in my power to avoid him like the plague. He will come out to the area I work in and flirt with lots of different girls, and I actually physically turn my back to him and talk to others. Anywhere he is, because he does this for attention, I just turn my back. What’s cool is that it is starting to just be second nature to me now, and it doesn’t really involve any emotions anymore. I’m not upset when he comes out, trying to get attention. I just accept that this is what he does, and he’s not the great person I thought he was. He has ridiculous ego.

I also really accept that he only really wanted me as a friend, and just liked the attention of being liked by me. It never was a fair relationship, and in hindsight, he treated me like a “bro”, and I never really deserved that, yet I settled. I know now that is his perception of me, so I can very easily say I would never go back to that.

Apparently today I was helping a new coworker, and he is a very nice guy who is very talkative and outgoing and sort of animated. So we were laughing and having a nice talk, and everyone was walking by smiling and giving looks or whatever. Anyways, at one point my friend came up to me and just remarked how she was happy to see me smiling again, and see me be the happy, outgoing girl that everyone loves to be around. I think looking at a different perspective now, I see how many friends there really care about me, and are excited i’m finally moving on with my life and trying to be happy, whatever it takes.

So day 4 wasn’t exactly easy, but i’m just taking it one day at a time, step by step.

Day 5. Today was very...VERY difficult.

I really regret unblocking his number. I think he felt like he had victory when his phone call went through last night. It was him just testing to see if he still had the power. He only called once, and maybe it was on accident, but I highly doubt that.

He flirted with tons of girls all day at work, looked right past me like I didn't exist, and went obviously out of his way to walk nowhere near me.  He had to eventually bring me something, and for some STUPID reason I looked him in the eyes and he looked to the side, like I was nonexistent. I felt completely daggered, like...stabbed...repeatedly. It was a mix of hurt but more hatred. He really just had all the power today but I know he saw me look at him, and knew that he was still on top, and could flirt and do whatever he wanted, because he won. Today his clear message was- i'm happier than ever without you, every girls loves giving me attention and wants me, i'm completely over you, you're nonexistent, and I don't give a rats a** about you.  With every thing he does these days he butchers any remaining decent memories. They aren't worth anything now, except the need to be forgotten.

I unknowingly gave him a drop of power, by even showing in my face that I feared or was upset when he was around, and was looking down or trying to be away. He didn't deserve that satisfaction though. I already reblocked his number again, and will continue to live my life, because after today, he really proved he needs to be dead to me.

I cannot believe he is still calling you. Every time he calls or texts you and you do not call or text back, you're actually GAINING power. Try to remember that. He's reaching out to YOU and he knows you're not returning his calls or texts. That gives YOU the power. Remind yourself of that when you see him flirting in front of you. He's acting out.

He's flirting with girls in front of you because he knows it hurts you. He just sounds like a huge jerk. I'm glad that you're rid of him and I'm glad that you're still moving forward. You do deserve to be happy. And I hope you find someone who you don't work with - who can be a source of confidence and light for you.

I'm on day 8 of no contact, and today is really too much to bear.

I've been good with staying away from social media, but today I caved in, and saw the recent pics his new girlfriend (who was my absolute bully/enemy) put up of them kissing. I feel like throwing up. I'm sick to my stomach from hurt.

I should've known better. I knew she was putting up stuff to flaunt their love and happiness. I am an idiot for looking at it, when I was doing so well for so many days by ignoring it.

I feel so rejected. Everyone knows he chose her over me. I just feel so horrible.

I'm so sorry. I think you need to put yourself in a "love bubble" in order to let yourself heal. You dated a bad guy - and he is now dating a bad girl. I'm glad that  you're out of the situation so you can find someone who will treat you better (and you will!). Keep staying away from social media & surround yourself with the people & the things that you love. Tell everyone to not tell you anything about him & her. Just create a safe bubble from which you can exist while you grow stronger inside. Once you're strong & you realize that you're better off without this guy, it'll be easier to handle seeing pictures of the 2 of them together. It's not that you're not good enough. It's just that you're a good person who got involved with a guy who has no remorse & this dumb girl who did everything she could to steal him from you. They deserve eachother. And you deserve BETTER.  Just work on healing, girl. You can do it.

Do you have The Breakup Workbook? I think it'll help if you haven't started it yet. It's only $5.99 at Smashwords, or you can get it from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.com. Or if you can't afford it, send me an email and we can work something out - admin@brokenheartedgirl.com

MJ

Trust me. Hang in there. The longer you go without contact with him, the easier it gets. There will always be some days that are better than others but eventually other things/people start to take precedence in your life and thoughts of him become less and less.

I know it feels like he has the power but him flirting with girls in front of you - that's just him trying to make you jealous! So if you really think about it, he is dying for your attention inside. And you are doing the right thing by being strong!! Listen to the song by Sara Evans called "A little bit stronger"