Unfortunately, I'm still struggling a little more than I wanted to here in the new year. I feel better on most days, but still go thru "dark" periods of time when all I can think of is him and how badly  I was hurt. I put up an online dating profile nearly a month ago, but it has managed to make me feel worse than I did before. All of the men expressing interest in me are either old enough to be my father or are going thru a separation, but not yet divorced and I feel like that's wrong to do, given my circumstances outlined in earlier blogs.  I am really starting to feel like I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life and I better get used to it. It just sometimes doesn't seem fair that so many things were messed up on my ex husband's end and yet he's the one that has someone that loves him and he loves, gets to travel as he wants to and just generally has resumed a good life. I'm raising our daughter alone-he does pay his support though, struggle financially to keep above water-much less travel, and go thru life still having feelings for someone I can't have. Why can I not just not love him anymore, just replace him in my heart the way he replaced me in his? I'm trying to look on the bright side of life everyday, to appreciate the small stuff , but somedays just really are a struggle. I'm accepting of the fact that I will be alone for along time, I may not like it, but I accept it.  I do that to try to avoid giving off "desparate" vibes when I do get out, so guys won't be afraid to approach me. I really don't even want full blown relationship right now anyway-I just want to stop feeling so ugly and unwanted, you know? Just a little something to raise my spirits and give me hope for the future-something to take my mind off of some of this and make me see that there is life after the divorce.  Do I ask for too much? Maybe I am, who knows? I just want to take the good days and have them all of the time and not go thru the sad ones anymore-I really do everything I can to avoid them, but they catch up to me on occasion, no matter how hard I try to avoid them. Well, time to get back doing all I can to bring back the good days.