So this weekend I came to a very sad realization, I have come A's doormat, yes this is the same one that I tried so hard to give up on. I realized this after spending 2 days with him during a class trip we went on. I flirted back when he flirted first,  I let him sneek grabs in when no one was looking, hell, I know he got a couple of shots of the "wonder boobs" as he likes to refer to them now, oh and I had to listen to him talk about his girlfriend. So why do I put up with this, I wish I knew. I know he is unavailable, and everytime I am with him, I wonder why me, he can do so much better than me if he is going to cheat on his gf. I feel like I don't deserve him, I'm not good enough for him, but he always comes to me. I know he is a cheater, but I want him, and everytime I hear him talk, and he reveals more about who he is, I want him more, I can't help it. I crave his touch, I need to feel him, and want him. So this whole doormat thing came to me tonight. All night he has been flirting with me, he got pissed when a couple of guys tried to hit on me, and he was the first one there to comfort me, when I had issues go on. Even before tonight he always cares about me and is always there for me. Anyway on the way home I made some comment about having the night free and wanting to go do something or have a few drinks, well he looks back at me, gives me our "lets go" look, the one I get when he wants me to go to his dorm room with him, then he said that was a good idea. So we get back on campus and I ask him to go out for a few drinks and he fucking tells me no. What the hell. Thats ckwhen I realized I am his fucking doormat. It is ok for me to drop what I am doing when he wants me to, and its ok that I tell him "when and where" when he starts with the grabby hands first, but the second I ask him to do something with out him starting something I get told no. I am just a doormat to him. What the hell is wrong with me, I'm not a doormat, I don't deserve that, but I have been letting it go on since the end of November. Well you know what, I am done, the next time he gets grabby, or wants me, he will be pissed, because no more from me. I have 1 month left in this damm place and then I get to leave and start over. I am so glad, I am going to start over, and I am done with the type of guys I have been going after. And I tell you what, I will NEVER again be some guys doormat again.