I'm going on vacation on Saturday, and I just am so happy to get away from it all. I really think that it's going to be good for me. I'm actually doing really well, suprisingly. But I think that it'll just do me really good to get in the sun, lay on the beach, and just get away from the whole reality of home.

F is contacting me sporadically and I don't even know what I think about it, because I'm not going to give in and I really don't think that he wants a relationship. I will not go to his house (because I know we will have sex) and like I said before I don't want to do it anymore. I can't be in some dead-end relationship with him. And I'm just really hoping that what I'm doing is good, because I did feel that we had a lot in common and I did like him, but I know that I can't be that girl anymore. I guess I'm just repeating that - because I need to hear it (or read it).

But really, I need to get out of this country so I won't see F's texts for a week. Or wonder if he's texting me and look at my phone like an idiot and be disappointed when he doesn't text me. Because, really, deep down, I know that it's over. At least for now anyway. Who know what'll end up happening. All that I have to say, again, is that I can't believe how I'm not giving in, because I normally would have by now.