My best friend's wedding was this past weekend. My ex came with me as my date and I had an amazing time. He was so sweet and attentive. I'd get up and walk somewhere and he'd be right there. He even said at one point, "Stop walking so fast! I want people to know that I'm with you". My friends are all familiar with the ups and downs of our relationship and how he tells me he still cares about me but doesn't want a girlfriend right now. I've been so down lately because I miss him so much. I've foolishly hung out with him every now and then, and it only makes it harder to get over him. So before the wedding, I told myself that after the wedding, I was going to completely cut contact. Today is day 1. I know that I need to make a change, because I am stuck somewhere in the middle and it's only hurting me more. One of my friends (who also was pretty close to him when we were together) sat down and had a long talk with him at the wedding and she said she told him that if he's not going to be with me he can't talk to me. He said he knows he shouldn't talk to me but its hard and that its not like he wants to be with anyone else or that he doesn't like me, its just that he doesn't have time, and that he knows he needs to make a decision on what he's going to do. I'm so scared that he's going to decide that he doesn't want me. That he's better off without me. Just thinking about it makes my heart hurt. But I know I'm not happy with the way things are now, and at least if he says we are completely done, maybe it'll give me some closure. I jokingly text him and said "Don't you want me?" he wb and said "I need to think about things". I said "yes, I agree, we both need to" and then I jokingly told him I was getting better at this zombie game that we always used to play together. A few hours later he text back and said "Where do you play zombies?" I'm guessing he was thinking I was playing at some other guy's house. I don't want to lose him. I've never felt this way about anyone before. But I also can't forget all of the horrible crap he's put me through. He can't give me the love and attention that I want, and I don't know that I could be happy with only seeing him 1ce a week. He's not the romantic type and there is so much in our past that I just don't know if I could see past it all and move on with him. I've been so paranoid about him being with other girls. I have nightmares about it and wake up feeling like crap. I haven't heard from him today and I don't want to contact him, I'm not sure how much time he needs to think about things, but I don't want to rush him. I'm going to try to be strong and do this no contact thing. I hate how it seems like it doesn't even bother him. I don't know if we'll ever talk again...