I dont know what I hope to gain from writing this. I have been dealing with someone who obviously wasnt as serious about me as I thought he was.

In the beginning he was the one who talked about falling in love, and moving to another state. He was the one who brought this up telling me if we fall we could move together, and how he wasnt going to move with a girl unless he was in love with her. He has always intimated that he thought we could have a future together.

Than it went to texting me a picture of his place out of state titled my future home... and talking about walking on the beach, being on the boat, etc etc

He was the one who talked about the future and I was the one who bought it hook line and sinker and fell in love with the man, who really was stringing me along. I told him I loved him, he told me he thought he loved me. However, his actions didnt match his words and I continued to let him get away with the bad behavior by excusing it due to his job, his family obligations, etc etc.

Really I dont know if he was stringing me along, he told me how comfortable he felt with me and how it scared him, he told me how I was the calming thing in his life when everything else was hectic.  He told me I was perfect for him and he could see us together, and that scared him.

He is 48 years old, and has never been married, and according to him he has never been faithful to one woman, although he tells me that one woman broke his heart when she cheated on him, and then the most recent one broke his heart after she broke up with him, after he cheated on her.

I know I should move on, but I truly love this man and at one point and if I am honest even now, can see us having a future together and growing old together. I wish I could let go of him. I finally in may told him we could not continue seeing each other and talking to each other, because I wanted so much more than he did and I was constantly being hurt by him. It broke my heart and was the hardest thing i have had to do in  a long time. And of course I am waffling back and forth, he wants to be freinds, he wants to keep me in his life, he needs me and my friendship etc etc.

I guess what I am wondering is if he is a player, a user, or genuinely a commitment phobic person. He will call, or text every few weeks, he has stopped by and it resulted in sex..go figure, I have no defense against this man, and I know I need to keep face to face contact to a minimum, or not at all. When is it going to get easier ? When am I going to get it together and get over this man? Why am I hanging on, I am a strong independant smart woman, I know better than this shit. I am going out and spending time with my friends, I am dating and having a good time, yet this man is still in my mind and in my heart.

I am afraid to date anyone seriously cause I know if this man comes back, I would seriously consider giving him another chance and I dont want to hurt someone.

I know no one can really answer my questions for me, except perhaps the man in question, and I know he doesnt know what his problem is or he does but he wont be honest with me and just give me the he needs time speech and cant I just let things grow.

So my hope is to vent my irritation and frustration on this website. I dont want to aleniate my friends with my inability to move on as quickly as they may think I should. SOOO thanks for listening.