we havne't been communicating. that doesn't mean i haven't been wonderng what he has been doing or awakardly asking friends, etc. finally we were on google chat at the same time where i made my move.  no, hello, or causual hi. I simply said-i need to say something...no reply...hello?...no reply...so i spilled it.  I knew if he wouldn't get the message directly that he would get it through email eventually.  I told him how i felt used, how when it was time to have a normal relationship he went running, and how i question wether he liked me at all.  I told him that although it hurt intially that we weren't able to be together, that all i wanted from him, EVER, was honesty.  I feel as though he was not honest with his feelings, and did not feel the same way about me that I did about him.  Instead of being a man and simply telling me, he drug me along and held our relationship in limbo, convient for him and hell for me.  After expressing all of this there was no response.  Did i really expect one? Honestly i didn't.  But i held on to a bit of hope that he had a soul, or a small piece of his heart left.  He ended up responding, but not in the manner that i would have predicted.  He has not come to terms with what has happened with the relationship and feels out of sight out of mind. He just isn't dealing with it.  If thats how he wants to deal with it, then fine.  Thats his choice...but the problems we face will eventually come back to haunt him in his next relationship. so be it.  but as for me, i want to be proactive, and deal with why it didn't work between us, what part i played to the downfall of the relationship...because this realization will provide me with insight for why i do the things i do and hopefully prevent me from doing them in future relationships.  so, as for the ex.  he needs his space. he needs his time to play in the sandbox with the rest of the kids, and when he is ready to deal with his issues im sure as hell not going to be around to listen. he had his chance.  im tired for wasting my energy on him, when he deserves nothing (exactly what he has given me)

grieving what was.

embracing what is.

              xoxo

                 marilyn