PINK HIPPO: "Where have you been? I am seriously irritated that you have been AWOL for what..three weeks?"

ME: "I was having a pity party and wallowing in self-created depression and general lack of interest."

PINK HIPPO: "What a complete crock of shit. I think you need to go see a therapist or something because your sense of self awareness seems to be detached from your sense of logic and reason."

ME: "You know, it is Christmas time and the first since the big breakup and I am resenting the fact that I have been replaced and someone else is enjoying "MY" Holiday with "MY" girlfriend."

PINK HIPPO: "Hang on, let me search for my worlds tiniest violin."

ME: "You have no sympathy. Where is your compassion? I'm really sad, hurt, angry, bitter and every other adjective that goes along with being dumped."

PINK HIPPO: "More shit for the crock. What you are suffering from is a classic bruised ego. Textbook case."

ME: "Jesus, you're crass. My heart is definitely bruised, but my ego is fine."

PINK HIPPO: "Yep, just as I thought. Ego. Trust me, I know a bruised ego when I see one, and you wreak of it."

ME: "Oh you want to get into a little semantics war. Ego, heart, inner being, soul, whatever, the point is it's broken."

PINK HIPPO: "Remind me to investigate the validity of that Bachelors Degree you have hanging on the wall downstairs. Nevermind, you will never remind me, I'll make a note to self. OK, so check this out Miss Not-So-Smarty-Pants. The first two months after you were dumped by that stupid bitch, you were heartbroken. Now that it has been over four months, you are pretty much over the pathetic heartbreak. What you are suffering from now is the "what does the new girlfriend have that I don't,  can't believe they went to Vegas together already, she's letting that woman use my golf balls Syndrome." Also known as "Ego". Don't try and bullshit me on this one. I know Ego when I see it. Trust me."

ME: "Huh. You may have a point."

PINK HIPPO: "Oh trust miss thang, I have 'THE' point. You're far past the 'crying yourself to sleep, someone give me a gun, I'll never get over this' heartbroken stage. Your ego is in full effect right now".

ME: "You need to stop watching MTV, you are SO NOT pulling off the urban slang. If you start using words like 'dope' or putting an 'izzle' at the end of everything, I'm walking away "

PINK HIPPO: "Don't be a hater Ego Bitch. If you pay attention, you may actually find your way back to your life you seem to have forgotten about."

ME: "Ego Bitch...nice. Your tact is non-existent. I have not forgotten about my life. In case you forgot, my life was ripped to shreds about four months ago. There isn't much of it left."

PINK HIPPO: "Wow you're scoring big Crock Of Shit points tonight. Your life wasn't ripped to shreds. Your heart may have been, but your life has been sitting patiently, waiting for you to join it for four months. Unfortunately, 'your' life couldn't go on without you. If it could, it would have, trust me. It was forced to waste four perfectly good months being non-productive and boring but it was most definitely NOT ripped to shreds. Get a grip and stop exaggerating. It's annoying."

ME: "You should know, your potential to meet a fate similar to GREEN FROGGY is growing by the second."

PINK HIPPO: "Don't try and turn this shit on me life waster. You know I'm speaking the truth. I have one word for you. EGO. If you run really fast and look in the mirror, you can even see what it looks like."

ME: "Did I ever actually like you? Technically, you should have been on the 'shit that reminds me of that bitch' list. After all, her mother did give you to me as a gift."

PINK HIPPO: "And lucky for you she did. Who else would give you the straight shit and call your ass on the stupid shit you do? You're exhausting me, I need a nap. You're suffering from a bruised ego. Live with it. Now go away and self-evaluate until you find yourself in the real world. "

ME: "I hate you. You're lucky I don't have anywhere else to store my quarters. And you're fat. OK have a nice nap."

PINK HIPPO: "It's spelled E-G-O and has a picture of you right next to it. Ciao Ego Bitch."