I have a date tonight, but I don't know what's going on with my mood lately. I'm totally not into anything at all right now. I just want to hole myself up in my room and sleep. I kind of feel like something might be wrong with me, because there's no reason why I should be upset right now. I was the one who made the decision to leave F, and it was a good empowering decision to make. It's been 3 weeks since that day (I think) and we haven't talked in over a week, and I just kind of miss him. He's moving on with his life and I could tell that he barely gave a shit about me.

I'm just thinking that maybe I should have been the one to inciate going out or something after the "incident." But, logically, I know that if I did do that, I would be telling him that it was ok to just fuck around with me and not be comitted. Which is definitely not what I wanted. Then my friends made comments and said that it seems like I have no problem getting guys and it's good that I'm keeping myself out there and not putting up with the bullshit from the guys who don't want what I want. But I kind of think that I was a little bit happier when I was "with" F.

Although, I'm even second-guessing that. Because I don't think that I was really happy. Especially not at the end. And my mom said that he seemed to be into himself and not so much into me. Like I was just an accessory that could be thrown away. I'm just thinking that it probably would have been better if I didn't let myself get so wrapped up in F. Which is why now, I'm keeping a distance and not getting wrapped up or excited about anything. I don't know if that's doing any good for me either.