i always thought moving on was simply finding someone else, and i mean yeah a brak-up hurt but for like a week and then you felt fine. i don't know that's how it always was before. i think i cried over my first official ex for a half hour. i didn't really like him though i was more hurt that i was dumped. lol. i think the first time i realized i fell for my love (let's call him brett i had a crush on a brett when i was younger and he was HOT) like REALLY fell was after we had been together a month and a half, he walked from my house a pretty far walk to my graduation because there was no parking by my school. to me this was love. lol. was it? probably not. my happiest memories were around that time, we were never the same after i went away to school. i was never the same....

i have tried to move on the only way i thought i could which was to date. i am not a serial date so for me this was a challenge. i think i went on a total of three dates. all were terrible. well except the most recent which i don't think i'd call a date, it was more a proposition to sleep together. which was SO tempting, you did't see this guy! he took off his shirt and WOW! he had abs like well a god. shit he looked like a god! but who did i come home and want...brett! i had this amazingly sexy guy flirting and tickling my arm and being just irresistable and all i wanted was brett. why is that?

i dated another guy from a pharmacy. we went on 3 dates i think and then i said we could be friends. we didn't even kiss (his teeth were disgusting!!) anyway. so he took this as i didn't want a boyfriend so he said we could be friends with benefits. are guys really that dense, that they don't realize you are letting them down nicely? i had to laugh and then he tried to kiss me that whole scene was REALLY funny. he hasn't stopped calling or texting me since. any help for my problem would be wonderful. o and i have said go away , i don't like you, i even told him i moved hours away.

the other guys weren't as bad. one i had 2 dates with, he was nice but too short and not my type. he was a horrible kisser though, he actually is transferring to the same school i am at and asked if we could go out again and "see where it goes" lmao. the others were a date here or there nothing memorable.