So I have been doing a lot of thinking (What else is new) and it seems the more I think, the more confused I get, and it not just about the guys either, its about everything. When V left on Friday he said he would call Sunday, and he did. And he came over. We sat at my house and watched TV and he played with my son while I made dinner, it was nice. Of course, my sister being the way she is stoped by to see what I was doing, and after she left had our friend call me to see what I was doing. Then he decided a phone call wasn't enough, he had to come over, although for months now Sunday him and my sis come over and we watch DHW. And I know they are just looking out for me. Well after I put my son to bed and my friend went home, V and I curled up under the blanket and watched TV and talked. I thought things went good, he tried to start something with me, and I told him I wanted to wait, and do things right. He agreed. A little later he goes home, and said he would call me Monday after I got out of class. Monday I went to lunch with my sister and cousin. And I talked to them about what I was thinking. I like V, but I like A more. A is for whatever reason either emotionally unavailable or only interested in one thing.  I get along with A perfectly, on almost everything. I get along with V, but I don't know, there is something that is keeping me from agreeing to try being exclusive and date V. I can't figure out if it is his personality or me. With A, I think part of wanting him so much is the fact that I can't have him like I want, how messed up is that, and I also feel like I don't deserve him. I'm also scared to start a relationship because I graduate in 7 weeks, and still can't figure out what I am doing, and V is ok with that, he said even if I don't want to date him and just be friends thats ok, he will be one of the best friends I ever had. I came to the conclusion that I would at least try and give V a chance. All that at one lunch, (luckily we had a martini with our lunch).  Well After I got out of class on Monday me and my sister ran some errands and went shopping, and I ran into A at one of the stores I went to, and I melted. I don't know what it is about him, its his body and his mind, and the way he makes me feel. Confused again. Well I never got a call from V. Today I seen V and he waved at me and I waved back. But then in my math class, one of the guys in there sat next to me and spent the whole class flirting with me, and I  really liked the attention. and it hit me, I don't think I am ready to date. I don't want to be alone, but I think I am too scared of getting hurt again to go back to dating. But then on the other hand, maybe I do like being single this time, I find it fun. But I still kinda want to try and see what happens with V. Well he didn't call again today. So now I am confused. He called everytime he said he would, except this time, so this is leaving me to wonder if because for once I say no, I get dropped. I also don't know if maybe it is he's just busy and will call later this week, his birthday is Sunday and he was telling me how he wants me to go out with him. I don't want to sit around and wait for his call, don't know if I should call, or let him call me. Or should I just say forget it and move on, he was an ass just like all the rest of the other men I have been with. This is just one topic that is constantly running in my head, and believe me, the rest are equally crazy sounding I'm sure. Why is dating so hard. Did I loose a guy because I said no, even though, he agreed with my choice, and said he would wait until I told him. AGGHHH, I just want to run and hide right now.