I think that it's probably a good thing that I don't feel the need to write on here all the time. It means that I have nothing to be obsessing about or anything.

Although, I really feel like that for a while I kept on closing myself up to V. I kept on thinking that he was going to do something to screw me over and that I would again be left completely destroyed. So, to be honest, I've kept myself at a distance. Rationally, I know that in order to love and be happy, that I need to allow myself to be vulnerable, but I've been really hurt in the past, it was really hard for me to do that.

But, recently, something just clicked inside of me. It was like I realized that V isn't going to fuck me over. He's really just a good guy, who puts me on a pedestal. Who actually really cares about me and doesn't show it just through words, but also through actions. And, it was on July 4th, where everything just kind of clicked for me. And I realized that I wouldn't be happy without him. That I finally feel safe and comfortable. And that I'm slowly allowing myself to open up.

I don't know why it took me so long to reach this conclusion, and I'm so glad that I didn't do anything myself to screw things up. And I'm not going to even think ahead about what might happen. I'm just happy to live in the moment now and not have to obsess about how a guy feels about me - because I know how he feels.

I'm not completely stupid though, and I know that there will be times where I'll go back to my insecuritiesand start obsessing about something stupid - but in the end I think that everything will be ok and work out. This is what I need.