So today I broke his heart, and my own in the process. I forgot to mention the last time that I'm going to France for all of July and August because I study French in college and it's a course requirement. So I'm off tomorrow morning, and I figured it would be best to do it before I went as it would be an opportunity to give each other space and a way to distract myself. But it must have come across as a total bombshell to him today and I hated myself for doing that to him. I met up with him early today and we spent some time together before I could work up the courage to say what I wanted to say. It was so awful because he was just trying to comfort me by telling me that I'd have a great time and that the two months would go quickly and we'd be back together before we knew it. But at that point I just had to say it because the guilt was killing me. His face just fell and it was the worst feeling ever. I explained all my reasons (although the more hurtful personal things I left out, I made it about me rather than him), including the fact that I didn't think I was really in love with him. At first it didn't seem to sink in and he was trying to convince me that we could fix things, then he realised how serious I was and he grew quiet and I could tell he was angry, then he started to cry and was holding on to me. When I left and had to say goodbye he smiled at me and gave me a hug...that was almost the worst of all, that he was putting on a brave face for my sake. My dad picked me up and I cried and cried the whole way home, then went to bed and cried some more. He text me this evening to say how bad he was feeling and to wish me luck in France and say how much he'd miss me. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I text him back to say how sorry I was for causing him to feel that way, and tell him how awful I felt too. He asked me if there was any hope for us...I couldn't bring myself to crush him further and say absolutely no, so I told him I couldn't give him a definite answer either way. Maybe this was wrong...but at this point I can't say for definite whether I would go back to him at some stage down the line or not...so I don't think I wads lying when I said that. At any rate, we definitely won't see each other or speak to each other for the next two months at least, so that will give us some time to put things in perspective. I told him not to wait for me and to try and forget about me and live life as normally as possible while I'm gone and hopefully I can do the same.