My soon to be ex-husband (Big Spoon) and I (Little Spoon) used to be that "Golden Couple."  Young and vibrant, we felt on top of the world when we first moved to our new city together from our super small state.  We frequently lamented the "perfection" of our lives and were very thankful for such good fortune.  

It didn't take long before cracks formed.  Big Spoon started to struggle w/ our new job (we work in the same office doing the same thing - different floors therefore little to no contact) while I seemed to have it easy.  He began working on weekends to ensure that he didn't lose his job.  I stayed home and supported his need to work.  I felt neglected but I assumed it was just part of being a new wife with a husband who wanted to contribute to our well-being.

After he found out that he was "in the clear," I thought that we'd finally be able to focus on our relationship more.  It didn't happen.  He wanted to get involved in softball, a hobby that he had gone without for a while.  Again, I was supportive since I knew that playing softball made him happy.  1 night a week quickly turned to 1 night and Saturday.  That quickly turned to Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights with away tournaments on Saturday and Sunday...every week.  I felt neglected and I told Big Spoon such.  "It makes me happy."  How could I argue with that?

I began expressing my disappointments in my journal - an exercise I had learned in counseling so long ago.  We had problems, every new couple had that period of adjustment.  Big Spoon began sleeping in the guest room; I kept writing in the journal.  I wanted to go to marriage counseling.  Big Spoon was against it.  

One day Big Spoon read my journal.  He wasn't happy with my thoughts.  He moved out 4 days before our 2 year anniversary.  I hadn't given up that we could work things out.  I kept pitching marriage counseling and Big Spoon was still against it.  I still couldn't give up on us.  I loved him still, even with all our problems.

I disagreed with his increasing relationships with these women at work.  Their reputation was such that it would not be beyond them to break up marriages of "friends" or set up their "friends" who were having trouble with their marriages with other people.  He defended them.  He still does, even though he knows it's not right that they've been doling out his cell phone number.  I don't think he cares, he's got a harem of female "friends" helping him through this difficult break-up.  I asked him to be sensitive to our situation, to me, and stop until things (i.e., divorce) were worked out.  He refused.

I've changed my phone number and I've avoided communication with him.  And for a while, I was doing great.  I was strong; I surrounded myself with friends and family.  After a while, I felt like I was moving on with my life.  But Big Spoon decides to stop by my office every so often to "see how I'm doing" even though it's apparent that I've been trying to avoid him.  I changed my cell number, for crying out loud!  All he has to do is ask me how I'm doing and I'm completely derailed.  After all the calls to my mom, sisters, and friends, attempting to regroup, his "concern" shook me to the core.  It shook me because it was so transparently fake.

Now I'm as undone as the day Big Spoon moved out.  Why should one person have so much control over my emotions after all my hard work to control them??