He contacted me on sunday. asking me how i was, if i wanted to talk (via text of course). i told him i had a lot of things to say. but i didnt know at this point what it would accomplish. he made it pretty clear how he felt about me when he ended things. he's going out of town this week he says, but we should grab a coffee when he gets back... and talk.

WHAT THE F????!!! why is everything on his terms? when he's good and ready!???!! i want to go because im curious to see what he's going to say. maybe he's just going to just apologize and ask to be friends in which case he can go F- himself. ive got enough friends. and none of them treat me like crap. the other part of me wants to not even go. and just blow him off. like i felt blown off so many times. to let him know that sometimes the world doesnt wait for you... it keeps on going. 

ha had painted me something for my birthday. i had gotten so angry, i punched a whole thru the canvas and ripped it to shreds. i felt so much better afterwards. 

my friend the other day made a good analogy for relationships: people who break up and make up a lot. she said the relationship is like a plate. the first time it shatters. you put it back together as best you can with glue.. but you can still see the cracks, the places where the glue is holding it together... how many times does that need to happen before you realize: you need a new plate.