I don't know if this has happened to anyone else, I'm sure that I'm not unique to this situation, but I kind of feel myself drifting apart from some of my friends. This feeling isn't true for all of my friends, just a couple. I don't know if it's because they have never really had a boyfriend - but I sometimes feel as if they are jealous of me. I don't even know if that's the correct word - but I I get some kind of vibe from them. It's just like, I used to be really close to one of them - and now I'm not so much. And I can't help but to feel that the fact that I'm spending more time with F is part of it.

It's not even like you can say that I am ignoring either of them. Because they live about 40 minutes away from me and it's lucky if we see each other once a month anyway - so I still make time for my friends. Because I know how it feels to be ditched. So it's not the time, it's just how I feel when I'm with them. Maybe I'm overreacting about the whole thing, because they never outright say anything - it's just a vibe that I get. And I kind of feel like I'm out of the loop on everything now.

I think that my paranoia about the whole thing, also stems from an incident that happened over the summer. I was with my ex boyfriend at the time at a block party - and the two of them were there as well. I wasn't fawning over my ex or on top of him or anything like that. We were just all sitting at a table talking (and I even asked my brother about this - and he's always brutually honest with me and he said that I didn't do anything) - and I got this weird text message from my friend talking shit about me and my boyfriend at the time. It turns out that the two of my friends were texting back and forth across the table about me and "accidentally" sent me one of their messages. One of my friends apologized profusely about the situation - and I could tell that she felt like shit about it, but the other one didn't even acknowledge it. And I know that I didn't do anything wrong.

So, yea, that whole situation contributes to the way that I feel now. So I really try not to talk about F that much to them - because I know how they could get. But there are times that I can't help it because I'm so excited and I am really into him. But again, I don't feel like I should feel bad about my feelings. I think that it just sucks.