Just when I think I'm okay, and on the road to recovering from this break-up, it goes to shit. I get all weepy, and teary-eyed. Think about the way he use to hold me, and smell me, and kiss my back. I miss it so much. I'm wearing his sweatshirt right now... and crying. AGAIN.

I wish sometimes that emotionally I could be like most guys. They seem to recover so quickly... lucky bastards. 

I'm just trying to figure it out. Trying to understand. Make myself understand it wasn't my fault... 

Moving on is the best thing. The healthiest thing for me to do. I am doing well on the not calling/emailing/texting front. I can be proud of that at least. I know it is okay to cry but it makes me feel like such a loser. Because I am crying for someone who doesn't love me, took advantage of me, dumped me in the most cowardly way, and has a drug addiction that interferes with his ability to have a real relationship with me.