Just a couple thoughts that have been going through my head lately...

1. It is my ex's birthday tomorrow and as silly as it is it makes me so sad that I can't give him a birthday gift and celebrate with him.

2. I have been getting the feeling a lot more lately, because of our recent conversations, that I am the bad guy in our relationship. you know like, I wasn't the right girl for him but sometimes he comes back to me because I am comfortable even though he knows I am not good for him. Thinking this just breaks my heart because I really wanted to be good for him and I think for the most part I was a good girlfriend but I know there are some things that I did or rather did not do that justify his reasons for not wanting to give me another chance. It hurts to know that i hurt someone that I truly thought I loved and not be able to do anything to take it make or make him trust me again.

3. I emailed him a few days ago because we said that we needed to talk about a couple things and that it might just be easier to email instead of talk. He hasn't emailed me back, against my better judgment I sent him a txt msg today asking if he got the email. a few hours later he responded saying that he got it and would send me an email back tonight. now I am nervous about what the email is going to say. I dont know why I am nervous because I am sure it will say pretty much the same stuff that he has been saying for the last couple of months either he will say something about missing me and that what we had was special or he will make me feel like crap by saying some mean stuff that he doesnt mean. its always one or the other which is so confusing, I wish he would just stick to one emotion instead of rollercoastering all over the place.