I feel like shit holding the hurt and tears inside so close to having breakdown. he hurt me so bad so so so bad i guess the reason why is because i recently read our e-mails we sent to each other love e-mails what he said was so sweet, kind, and convincing right then i cried and cried and cried and let out a big scream and throw the closes thing near my hand. why did i let one guy break me? why did he break me? what the fuck did i ever do to deserve something like this from him? not only did he break my heart but he also broke the person i was, the person i can be tomorrow and the next day, my spirt, my soul, and everything in between.

i hope i never have to see him again in my life ever cause right now i have so much hate towards him and anger...yet i still have love for son of bitch. why idk i miss the person i thought he was maybe. he knew how much loved him he just didnt give a damn or felt the same way,sometimes it hurt so much that i cant breathe alli want to do is sleep, watch tv, eat, listen to sad love songs, and eat so far ive gained 10lb or more since we let gohard to move on but it seems i cant or wont it's not that i dont want to letting go is a decision a life long choice it DOESN'T happen overnight, a week, a month, and not even a year. eventually the memories will fade but not all the way cuz the love is still there well at least on my behalf not his. i'll always lovedeep deep deep down under all the anger and hate