I'm sitting in my bed shaking. My face is red and my stomach is in knots. So, I don't know how I didn't know this before...but there are very risque pictures of Kevin on facebook with some girls...and they were taken a week after we had started "seeing" eachother. We first hooked up and got together on August 18th. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend until September 20th. On August 29th he went to his friend Lauren's 21st birthday and there are pictures of three girls taking shots off of his crotch while he's sitting down...Lauren sitting on his lap...a girl kissing his cheek...Lauren grinding on him and straddling him.

I literally felt sick to my stomach and started crying. I know we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend when these pictures were taken...but it was one week after we had sex. I know we weren't serious...but we were starting to be. I have to know if he kissed anyone or did anything with any girls that night.

Maybe I'm so upset because we've been together for 7 months...we're been official for quite awhile now...and I absolutely love him and can't stand the thought of other girls acting this way toward him.

I've never worried about him cheating on me...that's never been an issue in our relationship...but I'm starting to wonder if I should be a little more concerned than I am. I swear to God if he ever cheated on me I would leave him. I would leave him without a word. My roommate could pick up my stuff from his house. I would cut him out of my life. He'd be out of my phone and out of my life for good. I have no tolerance for cheaters.

I wish I could stop shaking but those images are emblazened in my mind. I was slowly starting a relationship with this person...I was sleeping with him for fuck's sake. But, we weren't official and it was only a week and a half after we started "seeing" eachother. So I don't know if I have the right to be mad or not.

I guess tomorrow I'll just calmly approach the subject saying I came across some risque photos on his facebook and realized the date inwhich they were taken was a week and a half after we started seeing eachother. I'll admit I was upset but understand at the time we weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend. I'll also ask for his complete honestly on whether or not he hooked up with any girls the night they were taken.

Ugh, I still feel sick. I wish I could erase what I saw from my mind. I don't think a guy should be having that much fun with other girls while he's sleeping with another one... How much do I actually know about Kevin? What if he acts extra friendly toward girls when I'm not around? What types of conversations, pictures, and situations am I not hearing about?

Why do I feel like acting out right now? Like getting even? I could go out with a bunch of my guy friends...grind on their laps...take shots of liquor off of their pants. That's okay as long as I don't kiss any of them right? WRONG. It's fucking wrong to do shit like that when you're with someone. But we weren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend so who the fuck knows.

I wish I could call Kevin right now...but I know he's asleep since it's 1:15 am and he has to wake up early for a funeral. So, I guess I'll let it go for tonight (yeah, good luck). I'm just so pissed off and upset right now. How did I not know about all of this until over half a year later? Why does this have to happen now when things are finally starting to be fucking good?! But how good are they...what else could I possibly not be knowing about, ya know?

EDIT

Tonight a friend asked me if I was happy with Kevin and here was my answer: Yes, I'm truly happy with Kevin. On average there are more good times than bad and the good makes it worth it in the end. It's always nice to stick-out the bad times and reach the "calm after the storm" and things are wonderful, peaceful, and back to normal again.