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17.02.2010 (821 Days Ago)
I haven't been in contact with Kevin since noon yesterday. Everytime my phone vibrates I wonder if it'll be him. Before I went to bed last night it felt weird not to exchange the usual good night texts. It felt weird not to wake up to a good morning text from him. I want to text him so bad but I'm not going to. We're not in contact right now...just the way he wants it.
I can just imagine him contently going about his day, happy as a fucking clam. I wonder if he feels any pain of loneliness. I wonder if he looks at his phone, wanting to contact me as bad as I want to contact him. I wonder what it felt like for him to fall asleep alone last night. I certainly wasn't there...but my pillow was. Maybe he tossed my pillow off the bed altogether. One less reminder of me.
When you're single your day really opens up. I suddenly don't have plans to see anyone, which gives me a lot more free time. So far all the extra free time has been a boring reminder of what I'm missing. I'd rather be cuddling up next to him, laughing and talking than water my plants and cleaning my room. This weekend will be interesting. I imagine I'll go out with some friends to occupy my time. None of it will be with him though.
People keep telling me he's going to ask for me back and to try to make it work. When I come to pick up my things from his house on Saturday or Sunday, I highly doubt he'll be professing his love and begging for me to stay with him. I think he'll be cold toward me, stubborn in his decision to not be with me or be in contact with me.
So be it. Someday I'll find someone who'll love me and actually mean it. They won't dispose of me like a piece of garbage and act as if they could care less. I guess this is the angry part me of coming out. I really don't want him to act cold toward me...I'm just preparing myself for the worst.
My roommate talked to one of his friends last night and mentioned Kevin dumped me. His friend had no idea (and he's been in contact with Kevin since the break up). If Kevin didn't mention it to his friend...maybe that means he's still not sure if he wants to be done with me for good. Who knows.
Well, I have to work 4:30-10:30 tonight. It's going to be a boring shift. I won't have him to text on my break. I won't be coming over to see him after work. I'm going to try not to think about it.
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journeywoman wrote 820 Days Ago (neutral) 0I think it's tough that your friends are putting so much significance on getting back together this weekend. If/when it doesn't happen, you're going to feel deflated. How was your shift las tnight? Totally boring? Did you text him on your break?
I think right now if you take it ONE DAY AT A TIME, meaning will yourself to get through the day - don't think about the future - it'll be easier for you.
With all of this Facebook stuff, keep in mind that you may be grasping at straws to kind of make sense of the situation and turn it to your favor.
The way he dumped you is complete bullshit. And althought you did fall in love with one guy, you ended up with another. People are always on their best behavior when they start to date. But you saw his true colors and his lack of respect for you when he sent that text. I mean, 6 months? come on! That guy sucks. I know you're still in love, but eventually i hope that you see that message for what it is and start to get angry. really super angry.
PS. Get the Breakup Workbook cuz when you're stuck at home alone you will have something to do.0 points
