Tomorrow will mark two weeks since this whole fiasco. Are things getting better? I would say 70% yes, 30% no. This past weekend with Kevin was great. We drank together twice...which to my relief turned out great each time. I was nervous because all the times in the past he'd broken up with me were when he was drinking...so it was nice to be put at ease this weekend when we were both drinking and things felt stable.

We went to a party together Saturday night and he told me a girl he's known for awhile confessed she had a crush on him and he simply said..."Sorry, but I have a girlfriend right now who I love." That made me feel really good. He's also been much more patient and understanding than usual when I've voiced any concerns to him. 

So that's all been good but tonight it was back to the usual routine of my wondering will he ask me if I can come over tonight? Of course he didn't. I asked him what he was doing tonight and he said his friends were coming over to play video games. He used to always ask if I'd like to come over after they left...he doesn't do that anymore. I mentioned it to him and his response was "Of course you can come over hun, I just didn't want you to get bored."

This should have been a good enough answer but I was still angry. I want him to physically say to me, "I would love it if you came over tonight." That's all. It would make me the happiest fucking girl in the world. I'm sick of feeling like I'm this nagging pathetic girl who stares at her phone willing her boyfriend to call. I really took it for granted before how much he used to get a hold of me on his fucking own. How much he used to be the first to text me...ask me to hang out that night...

I feel like seeing how long I could go without texting him before he picked up his phone to get ahold of me. I bet we could easily go 7 or 8 hours at a time...isn't that sad? But obviously he's so fucking happy and indepedant sleeping alone without me, doing his own thing without me, NOT texting me. I just really needed to vent tonight.