I am just feeling really sad and depressed right now. I'm trying my best not to break down and cry, but there are times when I just feel like doing that. I don't understand because I wasn't this upset when my actual boyfriend and I broke up this summer. But then again, I really saw that one coming and I wanted the same thing. Now, it's not the same.

Everyone is telling me that I did the right thing, that I had to ask him - but I can't help but to think that I was happier when I didn't know. You know, ignorance is bliss. Sure there were times when it was eating me up inside, but there were also times when I was really happy with him and I really thought that there was something between us. Like I honestly did. None of my feelings were fake. And I don't understand why he continually made plans with me, why he introduced me to his family and friends, and why he spent all of that time with me - if he didn't know what he wanted. I really just don't get it. And I'm just left here really hurt and upset.

Some people are telling me just to give him his space right now and maybe he is actually confused and afraid of commitment right now. Because, he admitted to me that he hadn't been in a relationship for like 2+ years. So jumping into one probably isn't the easiest thing for him. And maybe he'll come around? Although I really don't want to hope for that. I am doing my best not to text him and not to call him and not to be that person who is there at his beck and call. Because I think that if I show him that I do want something serious or nothing at all - then he will realize that if he wants me that I'm not going to put up with this in between garbage.

But in the meantime, I'm not going to wait around for him to be ready. I'll go on dates now - because as far as I'm concerned, if we are "in between" then I'm not going to put my life on hold for a "maybe."

I must seem depressed because everyone is checking up on me to see how I'm doing. My friends at work all gave me hugs and told me that it's really for the best that I know now, because it would hurt even more if it happened 3 months from now. But I can't help but be sad and upset about it. Because I really think that there's no way that he'll want anything if he doesn't want it now. Unless, I'm being a total pessimist.