So I haven't tried to contact him today. I decided to just let it be. I went to the store and came back and his car was here. He took a shower, shaved, put his dirty clothes in the washer, talked to our son, and then left. Says he is going to a friends... Why do you have to shower and shave to go to a friends? He said last night that this wasn't about another girl... but it seems like it is. Why can't men be honest? Yeah, it would hurt to know he chose someone else over me (My 1st ever love left me for one of my friends... so I know), but it would be easier to accept that he chose someone else.. instead I have not a clue what went wrong. and apparently he doesn't want to tell me.

I don't want to do this. I don't want to go through this. It is so hard being a single mom. Half of our sons life he has been gone. I wish life was simple. I wish we didn't feel the need to be in love... It would be so much easier if we didn't need someone else to fill a void in our lives.

I just want to give up. I want to lay in bed with a bottle of liquor and drink myself to sleep, but I can't. I have someone to think of besides myself. I love my son so much, but I wish I never met his dad. I wish I could back to when I was 16 and make different decisons. Now I'm 23... and my life would be so different if I could change back then. But I wouldn't have my child.

I am so dead to the world right now.