Im sitting here writing every ounce of my pain and feeling the pain too, i don't feel like writing how i feel cause it sounds pathetic and hopless. Like why should i be sad? why feel sorry for myself? I don't mean to make it sound that way or try to make someone out there feel sorry for me...im just really hurt and to me so far this is the healthiest way ive handled the pain inside. i mean ask urself this if you were in my situation would you be hurt too? Eventually i know the pain will fade as well as the memories i just need time to think, cry, talk, read, and find myself again. My outlet is friends and family spend time with them and i do as much as i can anything to get my mind off of you know who...the worst part is at the end of the day im back to that the memories, the laughs, the good times, and then the hurt and pain he caused me.

I ask myself this all the time, is what im feeling a choice i made coutously or a unvoluntary side effects of a broken heart? He hurt me really bad how do i take it w/out hurting somehow? did i expect myself to walk away and not cry at all when we brokeup the first time YES i did but it didn't turn out that way WHY? i don't know!!!! Some of us walk into a relationship and say if we breakup i won't cry, i won't be hurt, i won't be mad at my ex, and etc. But do we actually do it maybe some of you have but me unfortunately no but why? I guess it's because i fell in love too soon or too fast or both, eithier way it got me where i am now...A HEARTBROKEN MESS!!!!!!!!! crying all the damn time even in public, in my sleep, when i wake up, before i go to sleep, and everytime i see the color green cause that's his favorite color or seeing/hearing his name in a book or on tv i breakdown in tears.